


Five Things, Stargate SG-1

by synecdochic



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Ficlet Collection, five things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-09-05
Updated: 2006-09-05
Packaged: 2018-05-28 18:50:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 11,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6341131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/synecdochic/pseuds/synecdochic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of various Five Things prompts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. five ways jack didn't come back

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted 2006. Tags/characters/pairings apply across the whole work, not any given chapter.

1\. Sara drops the coffee mug when he walks up to the front door, even though the guys from the Pentagon must have called her, _must_ have, he'd have called her himself if he had any change for the phone but nobody had thought to give him any and he'd forgotten how to make a collect call until he was already there, so in the end he just sort of showed up, feeling awkward and out-of-place ringing his own doorbell. She launches herself into his arms -- it hurts; those ribs aren't going to be fully healed for a while yet -- and holds on tight, kisses everywhere she can reach of his face, and tells him how much she's glad to have him back from that hell. Jack doesn't tell her that he's not, and probably never will be.

2\. It's a nice grave. Sara picked out the headstone; Jack can vaguely remember hearing her on the phone with the stonemason, but she hadn't asked him his opinion and he hadn't wanted to offer it. He's not crying as the minister finishes up the service, and he's not crying as everyone comes over and tries to say something awkward and allegedly-comforting, and he's not crying as Sara drops a rose into the gaping empty hole where his son's body is sleeping, and when he turns his back and climbs back into the funeral home's limo, he knows it'll be the last time he stands here.

3\. The kid he left on Abydos isn't the same kid he picks back up a year and a half later, but that's okay, because he's not the same guy who left him there, either. He almost wants to walk up to Jackson and hold out his hand, introduce himself and say "let's start over without involving a nuke this time". He's glad he doesn't, but he can't shake the sense that _this_ him has never been here before. He wonders what happened to the guy who had, except he doesn't really feel bad for that sorry bastard in the least.

4\. Kelowna. He spends a year waking up every morning and thinking he's still there, that he'll have time to get everyone out of there on time, get everyone home and safe and nobody's going to fucking die, dammit, and every morning he opens his eyes and he's in his own bed in his own house and yet, somehow, the best part of him was left on a planet he wishes he'll never have to see again.

5\. It isn't that he _left_ the kids when he went off to Washington. They're good kids. Can handle anything the universe throws at them. Better than he can, really, which has everything to do with why he left, and it's for their own good -- for _his_ own good, for Earth's own good, because he can't command family and he should have known better than to try. And no amount of late-night phone calls, no amount of snarling from Daniel and puppy-eyes from Carter and stoic silence from Teal'c will ever get him to back down on this, because he's got his line in the sand and he's sticking to it and he only misses them every _other_ breath he takes.


	2. five ways walter saved the galaxy (and nobody noticed)

1\. So it's after hours and he's misusing government property to browse for some good porn -- okay, his tastes are really _tame_ , he likes the good softcore sites, the ones with the college school girls in the swishy skirts and the sweet smiles -- and out of habit when the browser pops up the "do you want this site to remember your password?" he clicks "yes", and doesn't even notice. Three weeks later, Ferretti comes home from P8X-4G7, possessed by the spirit of an alien entity determined to conquer the galaxy, but by the time someone notices, the thing in Ferretti is sitting in front of Walter's computer simply _enthralled_ by Catholic schoolgirl uniforms, and it turns out that the things can only live in humans for eighteen hours anyway.

2\. When General O'Neill took over, at first Walter made sure that _every single requisition form_ got paraded under his nose; once or twice he even threatened to climb onto the General's desk and stand there until the General attacked the paperwork. By the time the Atlantis expedition is in full gear-up, though, he's given up. The first time he picks up a pen and forges the General's sloppy scrawl he can't stop looking over his shoulder, like someone's going to pop out of nowhere and threaten to arrest him, but hey, Atlantis got their stuff and the General didn't get disturbed. Walter's not sure _why_ the scientist guy wanted an EMP generator, but hey, if they think it might be useful, it's good enough for him.

3\. He knew he wasn't supposed to leave his post, but Kinsey had shut the program down and they weren't expecting anybody, incoming or outgoing, and he _really had to go to the head_. When SG-1 hijacks the gateroom and heads through to the coordinates Dr. Jackson got from the alternate reality, he walks around for two days terrified he's going to be court-martialed, but nobody ever says anything and General Hammond can't even remember his name, so eventually he stops worrying.

4\. When they hook the gizmo from P2G-M74 up to the mainframe to see if they can get any data from it, it pops up a terminal window and scrolls, ever-so-slowly, "SHALL WE PLAY A GAME?" He types "NO".

5\. So Dr. Jackson is up _really fucking late_ , and Walter knows they're all going to be heading off to help the Jaffa start the last push of their rebellion, bright and early, so he taps Dr. J on the shoulder and gestures for him to follow: down into Storeroom 27, the one where all the old dead computer parts go to rot until the guys down in the tech department decide that they need to use a more _satisfying_ target for their annual weapons qualifying exams (Walter hates having to do that paperwork, but they let him shoot his old monitor once, the one with the really annoying red drift, and he stopped bitching after that). Dr. J looks confused, but when Walter shoves aside four broken keyboards and the motherboard from a computer that was outdated before the program even started and unearths the last of his Jamaican Blue Mountain stash, the Doc's eyes light up and he says something about how it'll really help in the morning, because he's only going to wind up getting about four hours of sleep.

"No problem," Walter says, and doesn't even regret it when Dr. J gets reported dead again, because hey, it's Dr. J, he'll be back. Hopefully before the coffee gets stale. And if you're going to not-die again, at least you should do it properly caffeinated.


	3. five planets SG-1 never, ever wants to see again, ever

1\. The one with the alien species who are really, _really_ desperate for new material in their gene pool, and who are perfectly anatomically compatible with Earth humans except for the teeth. No, not _those_ teeth. The other teeth.

2\. The one where they're having a perfectly amiable conversation, until all of a sudden it's rocks and spears and things being thrown at them and oh, look, it's _another_ five-klick dash for the Gate, and it isn't until three weeks later that Daniel comes slinking up to Jack and stammers out, very _very_ contritely, that maybe that word didn't exactly mean what he thought it meant.

3\. The one with the tentacles. Don't ask; they're not going to tell you, but Carter can't watch Adult Swim anymore without twitching.

4\. The one where the dominant sentient species were very nice people, aside from being twelve-foot-tall giant squid. Jack says it put him off calamari for months.

5\. The one where everything goes perfectly. The government seems to expect them. There's fresh flowers in their rooms -- their _individual_ rooms -- and nobody even gets offended when Daniel very delicately (sneezing the whole time) picks his up and gives them to Sam. The food is perfectly normal, tastes fantastic, and nobody's even vaguely allergic to any of the ingredients. Everyone's willing to stop and talk to them, invite them in for ten minutes or two hours to discuss history or culture or just show off what they do for a living. The ceremonial beverages at the feast don't get anybody drunk and don't cause telepathy, sexual dysfunction or hyper-function, or uncontrolled hair growth. The minister treats them to an afternoon at the ritziest spa in town, complete with massage and pedicure. Treaty negotiations take all of half an hour, and everyone gets what they want for a price they're willing to pay. The team leaves feeling refreshed, relaxed, mellow, happy, and better than they've felt in years, except for that lingering feeling of being _really creeped out_ , which never really quite goes away, and when Hammond offers them the follow-up mission six months later, they all manage to find an excuse.


	4. five things nobody knows about teal'c

1\. He wasn't actually _positive_ about the "false" part of that false god thing until about a year and a half after he threw his lot in with the Tau'ri. He stopped silently reciting the Prayer Before Battle pretty quickly, though; it somehow seemed gauche to be praying to your God for luck in killing him.

2\. There's a little independent donut shop down on 115, on the approach to the Mountain; sometimes he checks himself out through security, just to get some fresh air, and jogs all the way there and back. If he times it correctly, he's there right when the college kid is working, the one who always gives him a few extra donuts because the kid thinks he looks like some guy from TV.

3\. His marriage was arranged. It took him years to even _like_ her, much less start building a life together, and though he mourns her as befits the helpmate of a Jaffa warrior, and even actually misses her sometimes, he still wonders if perhaps the Tau'ri way of finding love is better.

4\. He doesn't actually believe Jerry Springer is representative of Tau'ri culture, but he enjoys Daniel Jackson and Major Carter's attempts to convince him otherwise _far_ too much to dissuade them. He does believe The Simpsons is reprentative of Tau'ri culture, but he enjoys O'Neill's attempts to convince him it is far too much to admit it. 

5\. He doesn't feel at all guilty about shooting Amonet. He grieves that Daniel Jackson lost his wife, but he lost her far earlier than anyone suspects, at the moment Amonet possessed her. In a way, it was his _responsibility_ to shoot her. Teal'c has always believed in finishing what he started, but he's making it his life's work now to put right what he set wrong, and at least the poor woman died free.


	5. five memories daniel didn't get back, and ways he hides this

1\. His foster mother's first name. He remembers the way she tried so hard to connect with him, remembers the way she studied Arabic so she could understand what he was shouting in the middle of his nightmares, even remembers her face from the photographs he's found. But he can't remember her name. It's all right, though; she's dead, they both are, so it doesn't _really_ matter if he never gets that particular bit back.

2\. The password to the throwaway account he used to troll Egyptology discussion blogs and comment with vicious personal attacks (that all happen to be completely substantiated) against the posters. He vaguely misses it, and every now and then, when he sees someone using the _same_ damn references that have been debunked _time and time again_ \-- by people who don't even _know_ about the Stargate program, nonetheless -- he considers creating a new one. But it always seems to be too much trouble.

3\. His favorite flavor of ice cream. Jack drags him on a late-night Baskin Robbins run one Saturday, a few weeks after he -- well, the euphemism they all seem to be using is "gets back", and that works as well as any -- and Daniel stands in front of the case for five minutes, combing through the depths of his head to remember what his usual order is. (He won't ask Jack, because it's easier on all of them if he just pretends.) The pistachio looks familiar, so he picks that one, and Jack gives him a sidelong glance and doesn't say anything; when he puts the spoon in his mouth, he knows that's not it. Or thinks it's not it, at least; he can't tell if he's just forgotten what the flavor tastes like. (All of his senses are just a little bit off, anyway. He's hoping it'll even out, as time goes on.) "Change of pace?" Jack asks, nodding to the two scoops (with rainbow sprinkles) sitting mostly-untouched on the table. "Yeah," Daniel says, and thinks: maybe it was mint chocolate chip. He'll try that one next time.

4\. Receiving his Ph.Ds. He can't remember if that means he's forgotten the ceremony, or if he just didn't bother to attend. If he really cared enough, he could look up the dates and back-fill around the information he's got in his records, of where he did his post-doc digs and when they must have departed, but it's not bothering him and it's really not important, anyway. (He'd ask someone, but he doesn't have anyone left to ask.)

5\. The first time Jack kissed him. He's got _a_ memory, or maybe two or three, but he can't tell which one's real and which ones are pleasant fantasies worn down by repetition and re-playing, and he can't tell what order they came in and whether one of them is the second kiss, or the fifth, or the fiftieth. He will never admit this to Jack, ever, because he remembers Jack enough to know how much it will hurt him; he comforts himself by saying he remembers every minute of the first time Jack kissed him _After_ , and if identity is defined by the sum of experiences, that's the first time Jack kissed _this_ Daniel, and that's good enough for him.


	6. five things cam learned about SG-1 that were nowhere in the mission reports

1\. Sam snores. Not little delicate girly snores, oh no; the first time he took his watch when she was asleep, he thought the tent was going to shake down around her ears. (When he asks Teal'c and Jackson about it in the morning, he gets nothing but blank looks. "I do not ever recall hearing Colonel Carter snore," Teal'c says, and Jackson chimes in with, "Slept like the dead, really." The resulting "what, again?" teasing distracts Cam from pursuing the matter.)

2\. Teal'c really is laughing at everyone. Cam's not sure when he realizes it, but once he does, he can't look at any of their antics without wanting to break out into completely un-military fits of giggles.

3\. Jackson is spectacularly _wrong_ sometimes. Cam probably _should_ have learned that one from the mission reports, but O'Neill always glossed over it, and for some reason, Cam's always shocked as hell when Jackson is. 

4\. Vala is capable of amazing feats of self-sacrifice. Sometimes she doesn't even need to have a personal motivation to get her there.

5\. He isn't built for command. Not these people, not like this. He can direct a squad of hotshot pilots no problem, get them all in the right place at the right time, build a cohesive unit that'll stand tall and fight proud. But when it comes to wrangling heroes, he's out of his depth and over his head. He does not, will not, ever breathe a word of this to anyone, not even in the deepest drunkest middle-of-the-nights; they've got a job to do, and he might not be the right guy for the job, but. He's the one who's here, and when they lose because of him, "I did my best" won't be any consolation, but at least he'll be able to say it.


	7. five true things about daniel and sha're's marriage

1\. Daniel spent the first month or so never being _exactly_ positive what she was saying to him at any given time. The vowel shifts over the years were problematic, and some new concepts had entered into the language over the years, and occasionally they'd be halfway through the conversation before Daniel realized _he'd_ been talking about Abydonian legends and _she'd_ been talking about the neighbors. She had a very pretty smile, though, and an easy patience with him -- sometimes he thought she spoke to him as a very advanced child, reiterating the same concepts over and over again in smaller and smaller words until they could heal the conversational rupture -- and it didn't take long until their home-sign for "wait, back up and let's try this again" started getting less and less use.

2\. She was very insistent that they were _married_. He'd tried to come up with some way of letting her know that he was willing for it to be a ceremonial title only, let her know that she didn't need to feel any obligation, and she'd listened to his fumbling attempts very seriously, nodding the entire time, and then touched his cheek and smiled and said "Yes, my husband." Then she'd gone to fetch water from the well, at the time set aside for the married women, and he'd stood at the opening to their tent and watched her: dignified and sober, mingled among the young girls and the ancient women, her lips rounded with a smile as she bent her head and whispered something that made her companion burst into laughter. He gave up pretty shortly after that.

3\. It took Daniel an embarrassingly long time before he realized that Kasuf wasn't just the head of his family, he was the Head of Families. (In Daniel's defense, the difference is indicated only by a single differentiated vowel, and though his ears were starting to become accustomed to listening for subtle differences, it was an easy mistake to make.) He'd never in a million years expected his life would drop him in a situation where he'd be marrying royalty. It's odd, but as far as he could tell, the duties and responsibilities for a prince in the House of Kasuf (even the one they all think of as the crazy scholar of the Gods) included spending _lots_ of time listening to people chatter at him and trying to mediate their disputes, so it didn't mess with him _too_ much. (Although sometimes he'd get the sudden image of Sha're dressed as Hatshepsut, which never failed to make him crack up. And then he'd have to explain.)

4\. She wanted children. And looking at her with the babies of the village, he believed she'd be a good mother. It's just that the thought of being responsible for another human life terrified him; he knew he wasn't ready yet. It was selfish, but he knew he had a lot of growing up to do before he could possibly be a father. He was lucky; her cycles were regular like clockwork, and it was easy enough to find excuses for three or four days in a row at the right times. 

5\. He loved her. He hadn't expected to, but he woke up one morning, early in the season of Akhet, and opened his eyes to find her curled next to him, her head on his shoulder. He looked down at her, and for a minute he could not remember what his life had been like before her, and in that moment he could feel something tiny and green uncurl in his chest and set out roots and runners, making itself at home.


	8. five things daniel jackson sees when he looks in the mirror

1\. Completely unmarked skin across his chin and cheeks and the bridge of his nose. Oma re-built him a body with all its scars intact, and he's glad for it, because each of them helps tease a little bit of its story out of the depths of his mind. But he remembers (or remembers having been told) that he'd returned from Kelowna with slices and grazes from the glass window he'd dived through, and it doesn't seem right that he can't see their marks. Maybe Oma couldn't give him scars that hadn't had time to heal.

2\. The seventh pair of glasses he's gone through since he got back. He keeps forgetting that they _break_ ; he doesn't remember anything about being Ascended, but he's pretty sure the Ascended don't need corrective lenses.

3\. The first creeping hints of age, finally starting to show. He'd always looked young for his age, but he's starting to see the lines now, around the corners of his mouth and eyes. He's almost looking forward to the first grey hair; he's planning on blaming it on Mitchell like Jack used to blame him. 

4\. That one freckle at his hairline, the one nobody but him has ever been able to see, which drives him absolutely batty.

5\. The eyes of a man who has never once succeeded in anything he's ever set out to accomplish. Strangely, they're getting easier and easier to meet in the reflection; he's not sure, but he thinks it might mean he's growing up.


	9. five stories jack o'neill will never tell anyone

1\. The one about his bachelor party. Okay, he won't tell anyone that story because he doesn't actually _remember_ his bachelor party, except the very, very vague suspicion that it involved a goat in a feather boa, but still. On principle. Nobody's getting to hear about that one, ever.

2\. The one about how on Charlie's first day of first grade -- poor kid was terrified about going to school with all the big kids, and asked Jack what he'd do if nobody talked to him at lunch or wanted to play with him at recess -- Jack had given Charlie an old pair of his tags to wear. "For luck," he'd said, crouching down to Charlie's level and hanging them around his neck; they were ridiculously oversized, but Charlie's eyes lit up and he'd tucked them immediately down into his shirt. "I wanna grow up to be tough like you, Dad," Charlie had said. Jack can't remember what he'd said in return. If he ever told the story -- which he won't, not ever -- he'd probably say he said something like "I'll love you no matter what you grow up like, kiddo," but he's pretty sure that's revisionist history.

3\. The one about the night he got the final divorce papers. He'd cracked open a bottle of Laphroaig -- the thirty-year; he'd gotten it as a gift from his old CO when he'd been promoted to Colonel, and it had been gathering dust until he found an occasion worthy of it. In the darkness, in the house he'd bought just so he'd have somewhere to sleep and discovered he was actually fond of after all, he'd splashed an inch or so into a highball glass, added the ceremonial drop of water, and toasted Sara and their beautiful, glorious, fucked-up mess of a marriage as he signed. If he ever told that one, he'd have to explain how he'd gotten to the point where it didn't hurt anywhere near as much as it used to, and all the best reasons are classified.

4\. The one about -- okay, be honest, _all_ the ones about -- all the times he'd nearly pissed himself when standing in front of a snake and mouthing off. _His_ kids know he's no kind of hero, but the ones who keep coming through the door of the SGC are getting younger every year, and the last thing he needs is for them to think he's lost his nerve. He gets enough flak about being the oldest active Gate team member to begin with. (Teal'c doesn't count; nobody actually _believes_ him when he says he's like five hundred years old, anyway.) Although, really, this one doesn't count, because he _did_ tell the story once, to one of the kids who'd gotten a little messed up in the head and needed some reassuring, but the kid shot himself three days later, so nobody living knows the story. Close enough.

5\. The one about the night after Daniel died. Ascended. Turned glowy. _Left_. Whatever you wanna call it. Fraiser had gotten some of it out of him, when he'd turned up stinking drunk and wearing sunglasses with a bag of frozen peas held against his hand, but she did him a favor and didn't call Hammond and nobody ever actually filed the police report, so it's like it never happened at all.


	10. five times sam counted to ten rather than kill a member of her team in a messy, messy way

1\. The time Colonel O'Neill was polishing his grudge against the guys in Supply for screwing up the mission packing for the _fifth_ time in a row. He'd insisted on delaying their departure while he read down the list, one item at a time, _loudly_ , and pointing at the guys who did the packing and demanding to know whether it had been included, and okay, it _was_ a good thing that they discovered before departure that the tampons had been overlooked, but she could have lived without the snickering.

2\. The time Jonas blurted out "oh, _he's_ the one you said would look good in nothing but edible underwear!" _right_ in front of Major Davis. Not even kicking him under the table had worked. Jonas never did _quite_ understand the rules for "socially appropriate conversation".

3\. The time they were all in a jail cell on -- oh, she's forgotten the planet designation, it doesn't _really_ matter, they'll never go back there anyway -- and after three days on bread and water and going out of their mind with boredom, Teal'c was just sitting there. Serenely. Untroubled. He could at least have had the good grace to _pretend_ to be worried.

4\. The time she was up all night in her lab trying to figure out how the _fuck_ to turn on that thing from P3M-157 and come oh-nine-hundred, Daniel had bopped in, bright and fresh and well-rested, and said, "oh, hey, did you try _this_ switch?" and he was _right_. 

5\. The _second_ time Mitchell dragged them halfway across the galaxy, got them captured, shot at, beaten up, nearly _blown_ up, and then said, as they got home, "I love this fucking job!" She'd had to count to _twenty_ that time.


	11. five secrets janet fraiser kept

1\. Daniel cried, when it was just him and her in the shower, after Kelowna: great whooping sobs, wrung deep from the gut, more out of shock than anything else. The nurses spent weeks afterwards talking about how _they_ couldn't have been that brave, couldn't have faced things so stoically, couldn't have kept it together the way he did. She tells them Daniel was the strongest man she ever knew. 

2\. Space syphilis is not only an SGC horror story told to the new recruits. Fortunately, it responds just fine to Earth antibiotics.

3\. After they'd retrieved Colonel O'Neill from Ba'al's fortress and stabilized him, she'd kicked everyone else out of the infirmary under pain of severe displeasure (and her staff knew what severe displeasure meant), pulled the curtains free so he could see they were alone, and made him tell her everything Ba'al did to him. The report reads only "injuries consistent with externally-induced trauma healed by sarcophagus use". It doesn't mention anything about the conversation she'd heard him having with a dead man, either.

4\. Sam's medical records indicate treatment for one instance of heavy menstrual bleeding. Janet ordered the labwork because she's thorough, and never used the word 'miscarriage' because she's a friend. Sam didn't remember anything about what happened to her during the Touched virus outbreak (or if she did, she didn't say) and it's a good thing for all concerned that regular Gate travel appears to be incompatible with pregnancy -- or at least, that's Janet's theory. At her next meeting with General Hammond, she suggested Norplant for all female Gate team members. The General never asked; he just told her to use her best judgement.

5\. The bruises that sometimes appear on Daniel's hips are a perfect match for the span of the Colonel's hand. She asks Daniel if everything's okay, and he stammers and drops his eyes and blushes, and the smile on his face tells her all she needs to know.


	12. five one-night stands vala never had (but wanted to)

1\. Qetesh's First Prime, an absolutely _lovely_ man, very devoted and sweet in his own sort of fanatical way. Qetesh hadn't believed in sleeping with the help, but Vala used to enjoy watching him when Qetesh wasn't paying any attention. It was one of her only distractions.

2\. The girl whose eyes she met ever-so-briefly across a marketplace on Amrana. By the time Vala had made her way across the crowd, she was long gone, and the market police showed up a few minutes later to try to arrest her, but she'd had the most gorgeous hair and Vala had wanted to bury her fingers in it.

3\. The captain of the ship she stole on Olmec Station. If she was going to screw him, she should have taken the time to _screw_ him. But she'd had a deadline to meet.

4\. The airman they put on guard duty outside her quarters until they wise up -- oh, wait, that's one she _did_ have, and very satisfying it was, too, even if it did make them extra cautious afterwards.

5\. Daniel -- but of course she's stopped wanting that one, or stopped wanting it as a one-night stand, at least, and she knows she'll never have it, so she doesn't even think about it anymore. A girl's gotta have some self-respect.


	13. five things daniel has written in his journals in an incredibly obscure language because he never wants anyone else to read them

1\. _I want to go home, and I'm terrified I'll never be able to again._ That was halfway through that awful first year, but the sentiment (or one much like it) kept showing up until the middle of year four.

2\. _For a minute I thought of offering -- but I couldn't, not to secure the treaty, not to let Sam get home to see her father, not even if they'd threatened to kill us instead of just holding us there. I couldn't. And I don't care what that makes me._ Those words were scribbled in a crystal tunnel underneath a desert planet, right before Sam came up with the brilliant idea that let everyone win, just a little. Or at least let her father have a few more happy years.

3\. _The worst part was, at the time, I enjoyed it._ He didn't even trust the linguistic code for that one, only wrote about it in the vaguest of terms. When he reads over his journals again after he comes back, it takes him nearly two years to remember the 'it' was the _rest_ of what he'd done to Jack in Shifu's dream. He's lucky to make it to the bathroom before he throws up.

4\. _If I hadn't understood why, I think I almost would have killed him -- but I did, and I don't know when I started to._ He and Jack had never spoken again of Reece.

5\. _I'm tired of waiting. If he really wants me, he can damn well come and find me._ He'd filled out the transfer papers for Atlantis the next day.


	14. five things teal'c and cam did together on earth

1\. Gone to a Broncos game. "C'mon," Cam had said, "it's _football_ ; how can you pass up football? It's like an all-American version of ritual warrior combat or something." 

Teal'c hadn't said that any Jaffa warrior who behaved in such a fashion would have been summarily executed, nor did he mention that the only time he watched football was during the Super Bowl, and that was for the commercials. (The MasterCard ad was his favorite this year; MacGyver would have been an excellent Jaffa.)

2\. Watched season 1 of _House_. "I don't know why so many people like this guy," Cam had said, reaching for the last slice of homemade pizza. "He's really an asshole." 

"I do believe that is the point," Teal'c had said. He hadn't said that while he would never entrust his medical care to someone who behaved so recklessly, he had to admire the man's style.

3\. Gone to the zoo. Cam had been shocked when he'd found out that Teal'c had been living there for nearly ten years and had never been. "That's just not _right_ ," he'd said. "It's a zoo. It's right here. Nobody ever thought to take you? Come on, get your coat."

Teal'c hadn't said that no one had needed to "take" him anywhere for years, because Colonel Mitchell was making an effort, and Teal'c respected effort. He wished he'd declined when he found himself face-to-face with a gorilla; the glass-enclosed habitat was quite nice, very humane, but the look in the creature's eyes said it still understood its enslavement.

4\. Eaten dinner at that little sushi place down by the University. "I could _kill_ for some decent sushi," Cam had said one afternoon, and Teal'c had informed him it could easily be arranged. Cam had said something about how it's weird for the guy who wasn't born on Earth to be showing him the best places to eat, but yeah, the sushi kicked ass. Not as good as you got in Okinawa, but then again, few things were.

Teal'c hadn't said that it is always wise to listen to the words of anyone who has more experience than you do in a particular area or situation, because Colonel Mitchell was not yet ready to fully understand. He would demonstrate through example several more times before attempting the lesson.

5\. Gone to church. When he finally got around to going, Cam had been shocked to discover how evangelical the closest Methodist church was; he hadn't been all that comfortable with that much dispensational premillennialism (he'd looked that term up, just to figure out what it was he objected to so strongly) for years, even before the whole Ori thing. He'd been griping about it the next Monday, and Teal'c had said, "Perhaps you would be more comfortable in a different house of worship." Cam hadn't thought about it too much, but if he had, he wouldn't have pegged Teal'c as the kind of guy to know much about religion; too many bad associations there. But Teal'c suggested an Episcopal church, more than a little out of the way, and offered to accompany him with the air of someone who was more than familiar with the process. When they got there and Cam saw the sign outside ("We Are One Family: male female children senior gay straight infants liberals dreamers white black christian non-christian questioners partnered single conservative transgendered in recovery searching youth") he figured he might have found something to wash the taste of the Book of Origin out of his mouth. They were a little too earth-hippy granola-flaky for him to be _really_ comfortable, but it wasn't bad, and he figured he'd probably go back.

Teal'c hadn't said how he'd found the church or what of the philosophy drew him to keep returning, because Colonel Mitchell had not yet earned enough of his trust to be given such confidences. The mission of the congregation, however, was "to seek justice and wholeness for this Earth and all its inhabitants", and Teal'c always mentally substituted "universe" for "Earth". He understood justice, but wholeness was something he would likely struggle with for the rest of his journey. Besides, no one there ever looked oddly at him for wearing a hat through services, and they used a very fine wine for communion.


	15. five first kisses daniel never had

1\. Anna Martinelli. He'd been twelve and miserable and she was sixteen, gorgeous -- okay, no. Looking back objectively, she wasn't beautiful at all. But they were in the same Japanese class (Daniel's foster parents sent him to a _very good_ school) and she sat next to him every day, never treated him like a baby, and was the only other person in the class who bothered to care about situationally-appropriate pronoun choice. Daniel liked the way she dimpled up every time he referred to himself as _boku_ instead of _watashi_. But she never treated him as anything other than a little brother. Sometimes he thinks about looking her up now, but he doesn't think he could handle knowing about it if she's got four kids and doesn't remember a lick of the language.

2\. The TA for ANTH533. Daniel can't remember his name, can't remember if he ever even _knew_ his name. But there'd been this one night at some party, one with lots of alcohol and the haze of pot smoke. Daniel had given his first blowjob that night, in a bedroom with no locking door, on a bed piled high with coats, but they'd, oddly enough, never _kissed_.

3\. Selmac-in-Saroosh. For a minute he'd almost considered it, once he'd gotten over the initial revulsion, because, well, the thought of hosting a symbiote, even a Tok'ra, was pretty revolting, but it had been looking like there would be no other way out. And the Tok'ra _probably_ would have been willing to let him keep looking for Sha're. Probably. Fortunately, Sam came up with a better idea before it had been necessary. Sometimes he wants to thank Jacob, but trying to explain why would have insulted Selmac, and Jacob would have been pissy about the headache.

4\. Airman Santos. Daniel's not even _sure_ why he wanted to kiss Airman Santos, except for the way her eyes lit up -- no, not like _that_ \-- when they uncovered the four tablets in a never-before-seen dialect of Coptic on P9G-821. She'd spent the whole night working with him on the translation; when they finally nailed the last bit of it at five in the morning, he'd been so loopy he'd almost leaned over and planted one on her before he realized what he was about to do. He covered by taking off his glasses and cleaning them instead.

5\. Jack. But he's saving that one; it's not a _never_ , it's a _not yet_. Contrary to all popular belief, he's perfectly capable of being patient.


	16. the next five movies on cam's list for SG-1 movie night

1\. _The Butterfly Effect_. He's looking forward to listening to Sam snark about how they butcher temporal physics, because he has to admit it gets him all het up when she starts spouting off technobabble; there's something really hot about a smart woman. (When they watch it, though, Sam and Jackson and Teal'c wind up getting very quiet, in the scary sort of way that means he's done something really wrong and doesn't know what. He and Vala stare at each other and finally wind up miming _hey, it's SG-1, who knows?_ )

2\. _Cowboy Bebop: The Movie_. He'd gone through a brief anime phase for a while; he's mostly out of it now, but it looks pretty good, and it's got spaceships and people shooting things, which you can never go wrong with. (When they watch it, he and Jackson get into a twenty-minute argument on sub vs. dub -- no bets on which side Jackson's on -- and when Cam loses, he has to sit through nearly two hours of "But that's not what they _said_!" Teal'c likes Jet, though.)

3\. Some Chinese flick about a mask-maker. Cam's forgotten the name of it, but it's right there on the NetFlix queue, so they'll get around to it sooner or later. Okay, _yes_ , he _is_ trying to get into Jackson's pants through a long slow subtle seduction, but the damn movie won all sorts of awards, so it should be decent. (When they watch it, Cam surprises himself by being the only one who cries. Not that he'd admit it. Allergies. Really.)

4\. _Sneakers_. Cam's shocked to find out that neither Sam nor Jackson has ever seen it; it's the _best geek movie ever made_. (When they watch it, Cam shows up to work the next day to find Scrabble tiles spelling out "SEATEC ASTRONOMY" on his desk. He suspects Vala.)

5\. _Bringing Out The Dead_. Cam's a little iffy about that one, because it seems a little dank and depressing, but it got good reviews and he'd missed it when it was in the theatres, so he decides to save it for a week when nobody's _actively_ tried to kill them and give it a chance. (When they watch it, it turns out to be the funniest movie they've seen in weeks. Cam's not quite sure whether this says more about the movie, or about them.)


	17. five secrets about a team member that a member of SG-1 would never reveal, even to the rest of the team

1\. Daniel found out, about two years into the whole deal, that Sam still has the teddy bear her mother bought for her when she was eleven years old. Sometimes after a particularly bad mission, he knows she'll take it out of the back of the closet and nestle into bed with it. She'd kill him if he ever told, but he doesn't tell _her_ that sometimes he feels like asking her if he can borrow it.

2\. Every time Jack looks at Sam, he's reminded of his ex-wife. That's not the secret. No, the secret is that Sam _knows_ , and doesn't really much let it stop her, and Teal'c would never dream of telling anyone.

3\. Vala doesn't know she knows a secret of Daniel's, actually, because he'd said it in the same matter-of-fact tone he'd used for the entire conversation, but Daniel had never before come out and _admitted_ to anyone else that he'd been a little relieved at Sha're's death. She doesn't tell anyone, though, because she figures they all already know. And she's still a little warmed by the thought that he'd open up to her, even a little.

4\. Mitchell has had to force himself into the cockpit of the F-302 every single time he's flown one since The Accident. Teal'c is the only one who notices the tiny hesitation each time, and he does Colonel Mitchell the courtesy of not bringing it to anyone's attention, including Colonel Mitchell's.

5\. Daniel called Jack up, four months after he'd gone to Washington, and said, out of nowhere, "I slept with Mitchell last night." Jack isn't sure whose secret he's keeping, Mitchell's or Daniel's, and he doesn't know who Daniel thinks he's fooling, because if Carter and Teal'c don't already know about it he'll eat his _hat_ , but hey. He's good at keeping secrets. So good that Daniel never even _suspects_ how much he wants to fly out to Colorado Springs and put his fist through Mitchell's teeth.


	18. five things hammond knows but pretends he doesn't

1\. He knows full well about Balinksy's little side bets, no matter how against regulations they are. He's been tempted to lay down $10 on whether SG-1 will ever come back from a mission without _some_ kind of trouble following them home, but betting against your own people, even when financially sound, really is morally dubious.

2\. There's a complicated conspiracy of trading shifts and rearranging duty assignments and various other decidedly non-military behaviour in the infirmary. George lets Dr. Fraiser handle it; it's none of _his_ business if the nurses fight over who gets to take care of SG-1.

3\. Colonel O'Neill and Dr. Jackson. And, come to think of it, Dr. Jackson and Major Carter. And Major Carter and Teal'c. And Teal'c and -- Really, George just doesn't care; they're all discreet and as long as they keep doing what they're doing for the planet, they could be sleeping with sheep for all he gives a damn.

4\. This job is more than just a job for the majority of the people he's responsible for. He's not supposed to encourage that. Supposed to actively discourage it, as a matter of fact; when personal emotion comes into play, it becomes harder and harder for people to do their duty. But the ones for whom it isn't personal, doesn't become personal, don't last long; they're dead or reassigned or insane within a year. George considers it breaking a rule in order to uphold it.

5\. Everything is transient. He's been career military for a very long time, and he knows how quickly people can be reassigned and commands can be shut down, and he's not getting any younger. He's technically past the maximum continuation period anyway, and he keeps waiting, every year, for them to stop granting him waivers. He knows this will end. He'll deal with it when it happens, and not a moment before.


	19. five things sam saw that she'd never share with anyone

1\. At the very beginning, so long ago that she can barely remember not being able to read them all so effortlessly she didn't even have to think about it, she'd been sitting across from Daniel when they'd been engaging Teal'c in what General Hammond called a "strategy session" because he was too much of a good person to call it an interrogation. Sam had been looking at just the right time, and she'd seen the cold, tight hatred flashing for a split second across Daniel's face when Teal'c had sat down. It passed so quickly she couldn't even say if she'd imagined it, settling down into cool neutrality overlaid with a dose of curiosity, but she remembered. For that first year, whenever she was tempted to underestimate Daniel, she remembered that look and everything it stood for, and how Daniel had managed to transcend it and move past it and work with Teal'c -- come to call him brother -- and she knew Daniel was the most giving, the most generous, person she'd ever met. She didn't remember how frightening that look had been.

2\. She'd walked in once on Siler polishing his wrench. Which wasn't unusual, because Siler believed in taking good care of his tools, but the way he'd been talking softly to it, like it was a baby or a kitten, had made her step quietly out of the room and make more noise coming back in five minutes later. She really doesn't want to think about it.

3\. Five years ago, right when the X-302 had become the F-302 and the pilot boys had thrown the party to end all parties at _somebody's_ house (she didn't know who, still doesn't), she'd been on her way to the bathroom when she'd stumbled upon Mitchell. He hadn't noticed her, but he had a good enough reason; he'd been blind drunk, up against the wall of the bedroom, with a man's hand down his pants and tongue down his throat. Sam has never mentioned it, even to him, even when he goes out of his way to flirt with her, because she thinks "don't ask, don't tell" is a crock of shit and what a man does when he's drunk and giddy is his own damn business.

4\. There were tears in Jonas's eyes when he turned in his SG-1 badge and stepped back through the Gate with his people. Everyone else had been watching Daniel; he drew the eye with a strange attraction, like some lingering remnants of his time elsewhere had left him a faint touch of glamor. Sam had been watching Daniel too, couldn't _not_ , but out of all of them she'd known Jonas the best and that doesn't get drowned out so easily.

5\. The first time General O'Neill sent SG-1 through the Gate, he'd been smiling and happy and cheerful and excited for them, like the little boy he'd always been accused of being. Until he'd turned around, when he thought no one was looking, and for a minute every inch of his face looked older and more scared than she'd ever seen him before. They never talked about it. He trusted her to get them back home, and she didn't want to know whether it was because he actually believed in her or because he had no other choice.


	20. five things that make cam smile

1\. The first time one of them -- happens to be Jackson, could have been any of them -- snarls at him and calls him an idiot. It shouldn't make him so happy, but does, because it means they've stopped using company manners and he isn't a guest anymore.

2\. Sunrise over P5F-484. It's not his first alien planet, but it's the first one he's ever seen the dawn on: so deep red as to be almost purple, sending streaks across the green-tinged sky, and it should be garish but instead it's utterly, completely perfect. Sam catches him still watching it, still grinning like an idiot, when she climbs out of her tent, and for a minute he braces himself for the scientific explanation of refraction and light-waves and solar life cycles, but instead she just smiles back and squeezes his shoulder before going to put on the coffee.

3\. The time Teal'c accidentally fractures his ulna when they're sparring in the gym. Oh, it hurts like a son of a bitch -- more than it should, for such a tiny crack -- and Teal'c practically falls over himself apologizing -- for Teal'c, at least -- but Cam's seen the way Teal'c works with even the advanced combat training classes, all carefully solicitous, and the thought that he's earned enough of Teal'c's respect that Teal'c doesn't feel like he has to hold back makes Cam happier than he'd have expected. Or maybe it's the Vicodin.

4\. Vala. He knows he _shouldn't_ be as amused by her as he is, especially since he recognizes how much of an absolute pain in the ass she can be, but he's always loved watching outrageous women, and seeing her and Jackson together never fails to crack him up. (Later, after she comes back, she makes him smile for an entirely different reason -- he likes seeing people start to be happy, especially when they thought they'd forgottten how to be.)

5\. Every time he stands on the bridge of a spaceship -- a goddamn _spaceship_ \-- and looks down on Earth, all blue and green and white and oh-so-fragile. May it _never get old_.


	21. five things jack wants daniel to know, but can't tell him

1\. I know what it's like to lose people and think you're never going to get them back. It doesn't get any easier to deal with the second or fifth or tenth time, either. But you handle it better than anyone I've ever known, and I count myself in that.

2\. Sometimes I think I liked you better before I started agreeing with you so much. 

3\. I still haven't forgiven you for what you did to me -- or didn't do for me -- back in Ba'al's fortress, and I don't think I ever will. Used to be I could rely on you to make the right call for me when the call needed to be made. I can't anymore. I don't really blame you, but no, it's not just that I keep forgetting to make you my medical power of attorney again; it's a deliberate choice.

4\. My choice to go to Washington had nothing to do with you. I know you think it did; you're wrong.

5\. I remember the exact moment I fell in love with you, and I wish I didn't.


	22. five things the tau'ri do that teal'c thinks are utterly ridiculous

1\. Bury their dead. If it were a question of nurturing the earth so the cycle of life were unbroken, Teal'c would understand, but it's not; the process is designed to preserve the body for as long as possible, shut it away inside a box and deliberately keep it from mingling with the elements as though preservation keeps death from becoming real, and that Teal'c has never understood. His "will" (a bizarre word, a bizarre concept) states that when he dies, his body is to be disintegrated in a forming wormhole, in the fashion of his ancestors; he would not object to nourishing a small corner of this planet he has come to call, in his own fashion, "home", but the idea of eternity in a coffin leaves his skin cold.

2\. Spend so much of their time, effort, and money on eliminating anything that could be considered a flaw in their appearance. Bodies should be real, not made-up or plastic; there's honesty in imperfection. (He'll never say it, but the Tau'ri obsession with physical beauty reminds him, just a little, of the Goa'uld.)

3\. Coddle their children. He knows better than to ever say a word, because he is intelligent enough to realize that among the Tau'ri, childrearing is an intensely personal choice and it's not his place to step in. But the Tau'ri habit of shielding their offspring from the harsh realities of the world has never made sense to him; it does not produce strong, healthy adults. It produces slaves-in-waiting.

4\. Fail to respect their elders. The first time Daniel Jackson makes humorous reference to placing O'Neill in an "old folks' home", Teal'c requests an explanation and leaves the conversation disquieted. He doesn't understand how any even-semi-healthy society can so casually discard so much accumulated wisdom.

5\. Spend so much effort in keeping their people ignorant of their position in the galactic scheme of things. Teal'c watches CNN and CSPAN in his spare time, so he has reluctantly come to agree that the people of this world are not ready to be informed yet -- but those who rule this world are not even making an effort to guide their people along the route to a point where they would be ready to hear, and that sits more and more poorly with Teal'c as the years go by.


	23. five things jack remembers about being blended with a tok'ra

1\. The darkness. He'd imagined -- the few times he'd let himself think about it -- that being a Tok'ra host would have been like being a passenger in your own body, like watching over your own shoulder the way you get when you've been on a mission awake for fifty-two hours and everything seems like it's happening to someone else. But it wasn't; it wasn't like anything at all.

2\. Waking up to find that his knees didn't hurt anymore. At all. Of course, it had been quickly overshadowed by how much Ba'al's knives _had_ hurt, but for a minute he'd been able to stand and move without any pain at all, and he hadn't realized how much of a constant low-level annoyance the pain had been until it was gone.

3\. Wondering if every Tok'ra host was lying when they said it was a truly symbiotic relationship. He couldn't ever look at Jacob again without wondering if he was speaking to Jacob, or if Selmac was just a really good actor.

4\. The feeling of the goddamn snake slithering down his throat, the pain as soft tissue tore and rearranged itself. He shouldn't remember it; they told him he'd been near death. But he does. Every time he gets strep throat after that point, for the rest of his life, the sensation makes him imagine he can feel something wiggling.

5\. Looking at a woman, knowing he'd (they'd) loved her once, and not having a single fucking clue who the hell she was. He stops teasing Carter about Martouf once he gets back. (He'd mostly stopped already, because he wasn't enough of a bastard to enjoy the way her eyes went all dark and distant, but after that, he'd never brought up the topic again.)


	24. five things sam does when she's sure nobody is looking

1\. Turns up the radio in the car and sings along at the top of her lungs, complete with drumming on the steering wheel. There's no way she'd ever let anyone hear her sing, ever, but when she's on a long straight highway and there's nobody else around for miles, sometimes a girl's gotta caterwaul along with some Springsteen.

2\. Bites her nails. Her father had tried to break her of the habit when she was younger, but he'd only succeeded in making her hyper-aware of whether or not anyone was watching.

3\. Goes shopping. Her closets are full of clothes that all still have the tags on them; she keeps telling herself that someday she'll start doing something that requires something other than BDUs. (Every now and then, when circumstances call for her to wear something that isn't military-issue, she quietly enjoys the looks she gets.)

4\. Reads those awful bodice-rippers you find on racks in drugstores and supermarkets. She doesn't even go for the ones that pretend to have a semblance of plot; she picks the ones that use phrases like "his throbbing manhood" and "her heaving bosoms", and she devours them like candy. Which they are, in a way; they're brain candy, and it's _nice_ to be able to occupy her eyes without having to engage her brain. She's still ashamed of them, though, and turns them over to Goodwill the minute she fills a box of discards.

5\. Watches Daniel's ass. She's not _blind_ , and it's a very nice ass to be watching.


	25. five things daniel believes

1\. The concept of "God" is a human invention, created to explain the presence of misery and evil and degradation in the world. Oddly, he believed this even before he killed his first one.

2\. No knowledge is ever wasted; the two hours you spend getting distracted while researching something else will come in handy somewhere down the road. (He believed this one before he entered the Stargate program, too, but he has to admit that he never thought it would ever be _directly_ applicable for him to know, for instance, the mating customs of Polynesian tribes.)

3\. Love, in any of its manifestations, is never wrong. Inconvenient, sometimes, but never _wrong_. That's been the hardest belief to hold on to, but the universe hasn't quite managed to kill it yet.

4\. When given a chance, people are better than anyone gives them credit for being. He's had this one disproven again and again, but he can't bring himself to give it up, and sometimes -- just when he's about to throw up his hands and say _fuck it_ \-- someone, somewhere, does something to remind him how right it is.

5\. The next time he dies will be the last time. Not because Oma's not around to rescue him anymore -- he's pretty sure he'd be able to find his way back onto the Great Path without her help -- but because he remembers just enough to know that he'd rather spend eternity in oblivion than ever go back.


	26. five things that made mitchell flinch

1\. The time when Jackson managed to get his hands on a copy of the _Book of Origin_ and translate it. He'd skimmed over the majority of its contents in the briefing, but Cam had gone to request the full text afterwards. "You really don't want to read it," Jackson had said, but Cam had insisted, and that Sunday when he'd been sitting in church and listening to the Old Testament reading, he'd known Jackson had been right.

2\. The time they'd gotten Sam back from nearly having been permanently lost in space by nothing but luck and a little bit of good piloting. "Don't ever do that to me again," Cam had said, afterwards, and she'd looked at him oddly and said, "You know I will if I have to." And she'd _meant_ it.

3\. The look in Jackson's eyes when he'd said they should just kill Khalek. And more than that, the way neither Sam nor Teal'c had thought it the least bit odd.

4\. The first time he'd walked through the Gate. He'd been wanting it for years, from the minute he even found out about it, but he hadn't been expecting how beautiful the event horizon would be, and he'd read enough reports to know that the first time through could fuck with you. (He realizes, later, that he was one of the lucky ones; sixty-five percent of first-time travelers wind up puking their guts out on the other side, or at least wanting to, but all he got was a minor case of the skin-crawlies and it went away quickly.)

5\. Every time, for the first year, that he opens his mouth and gives a direct order. He doesn't realize until halfway through that he's expecting them all to tell him to fuck off.


	27. the five most important things to jack that jack saved when daniel ascended

1\. Daniel's journals. He never reads them -- would never violate Daniel's privacy in such a fashion (again) -- but he piles them in an office-supply box, brings them home and stores them in his attic, because he can't think of Daniel on a mission without seeing his hands stroking over one of those leather covers.

2\. The memory of Daniel spread out, sound asleep, naked, in a puddle of sunshine in Jack's spare bedroom. Jack had stuck his head in to see if Daniel was awake yet, to see if he wanted breakfast or if he was going to just sleep off the hangover, and instead he'd caught his breath, watched for longer than he should have, and closed the door again thinking how it wasn't fair for one man to look that angelic. And, well, now that Daniel almost _is_ an angel, if you want to be all metaphysical and New Agey about it, it seems even more appropriate.

3\. Daniel's single, cherished picture of Sha're. The airman who'd packed up Daniel's personal things from his office had brought it to him -- the guy had been around long enough to know that there were things that looked normal but carried more weight than any single physical object had a right to. (Jack would have done the packing himself, but he couldn't; he just couldn't. He only had a limited amount of strength to use before it was all used up, and he saved it for packing Daniel's apartment.) Jack didn't put it with the pictures of his own lost souls, but he kept a drawer in his spare room with some of the changes of clothing and toiletries Daniel had left at his place -- too much effort to throw them all out -- and the pictureframe fit nicely in between the underwear and the ratty old t-shirts Daniel had worn to help him around the house. 

4\. The empty bottle of wine Daniel had brought over when he'd come to Jack's place after that whole thing with Reece. They'd never actually _talked_ about it, never would, but three weeks after it had all gone down, his doorbell had rung at nine o'clock on a Friday night, just when Jack had been settling in for a nice long weekend of doing nothing but puttering, and Daniel had thrust the bottle at him and wandered in to settle on the couch with the latest edition of _Applied Linguistics_. They hadn't talked about anything, really, just sat on opposite ends of the couch, drank the wine, and worked in more-or-less silence, but it was good enough. He'd been grateful, later, that he never seemed to have enough time to take the recycling to the dump more often than once every month or two; he'd felt like an idiot when he fished the bottle out and put it in the cabinet with the few full bottles he kept on hand, but it didn't stop him.

5\. Hope. It's the hardest thing he's ever done, to hold on to it, but this is _Daniel_ , and if anyone could figure out a way to come back to him, Daniel will be the one to do it.


	28. five discoveries that will rock vala's world

1\. "You mean to say," she'll ask, "that I could make thousands of dollars a month simply by spending my time on the telephone ordering around a number of very bored and lonely men?" Daniel will turn bright red, but Sam will laugh and laugh and _laugh_.

2\. White chocolate raspberry cheesecake. It's almost like an orgasm on a plate. 

3\. Las Vegas. Neon, glitter, nudity, free alcohol, and people who will pay the casino for the chance to hand her their money? She'll demand to go back every month for the next year.

4\. Blowfish.com. Daniel's credit card may never recover.

5\. The fact that, for some reason even she can't fathom, they actually _want_ her to stay. When it finally sinks in, she'll excuse herself and hide in her room for a few hours, and no one will ever comment on her red-rimmed eyes when she emerges again.


	29. vala's five favorite things to do on earth

1\. Go to the shopping mall. Not because she wants to buy things -- although that is always a pleasant pastime -- but because she likes buying herself an ice cream cone, sitting down on a bench, and just _watching_ the panoply of people in all shapes and sizes, moving through the space. It's why she's most fond of when Teal'c takes her off-base; he's willing to sit with her for as long as she'd like.

2\. Read. It surprises her; she'd never been the type to enjoy spending her time with a book before, but there's so much fascinating history and culture here, and if she's going to be living here -- which, it seems, she will be -- she feels like she should understand it better than she does. 

3\. Attend Ladies' Poker Night. Airman Fowler had been the one to invite her -- Vala will never understand why they're called air _men_ even when they're clearly female -- but after the initial awkwardness, she'd discovered that she _enjoyed_ being part of a circle of women, trading stories and confidences and bits of history. She's never spent much time at all in the company of women -- she can get more out of men; they're easier to manipulate -- but she's beginning to see the appeal.

4\. Wander into the Gate control room in the middle of the night, when the SGC is mostly sleeping and there's only a skeleton staff, and prop her boots on the console and just observe. There's a competence and ease there, a thrumming energy and potential that's mostly quiescent in the middle of the night. She likes the sense that everything's sleeping, but ready to leap into action at a moment's notice. And the technician on graveyard shift shows her pictures of his children, talks about the college courses he's taking in his free time, and she likes the thought that maybe he might think of her as a friend.

5\. Road trip. With any of them, really, any time they can get her clearance and take her out to see another corner of this crazy planet of theirs, but she likes going out with Mitchell the most. It's endearing the way he wants her to see everything, the way he's willing to detour a hundred miles just so she can look at something she saw on the Internet and make believe it was his idea the entire time. She pays him back by making sure they always get hotel rooms with two double beds, and never once climbing into his personal space, because she knows how uncomfortable it makes him. No matter how much, sometimes, she might wake up in the middle of the night and want nothing more than for someone to hold her.


End file.
